So I'm teaching a course at the university this semester. I was hired just a few days before classes started, which left me not much time to come up with a syllabus and prepare to teach classes. I've been keeping afloat, at least partly because I am spending all my time on this one small job, and also because I love the course content. But it is definitely pushing me to my limits.
Today I am trying to prepare for lecture for this week, and for next week; to get notes made up before I leave for the weekend; to find a couple additional readings for next week; and to post them on my course webspace and update that site. These activities have pushed me to the edge of violence. I am prepared to take a baseball bat to anything in my path. I cannot find the articles I want. The "connect from a distance" software I took the time to install is not allowing me to actually browse the databases, so I can't find articles. When I tried to upload at least my assignments to the course webpage, they would not load properly, and the page is now a mess. And all this leaves me with no time or mental ability to prepare for lecture.
In response, I turned off the computer, turned out the light, and just lay on the bed for a few minutes. I realized that while I was prepared to kill, I was not entirely happy with this response. Feeling this frustrated surely comes from somewhere, but it's just the automatic reaction I've been conditioned to experience. And it is not one that is fun to be around. If I choose, I can override biology and choose a calmer response.
A few minutes later, I got up and printed out a few things I'd been working on, and feeling much calmer, prepared to head to the university (after an acupuncture appointment) to try to find those articles. I may, however, need to go rock climbing tonight to get this out of my system.
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