I attended a talk today by Dr. Samantha Nutt - founder of War Child Canada (warchild.ca). She was talking about the interconnected interests and processes that lead to war, and the bad things it brings on every level. Every level - everything, for everyone affected (which is disgustingly large numbers of people) - pretty much everywhere, given the vast number of conflicts.
She spoke about coltan again - the metal that is found in such concentrations in the Congo, that is used, because of its conductivity, in virtually every personal electronic device we use in the west: cell phones, video game stations, computers, the list is endless. Rwanda last year made $250 million from coltan - and they don't even have any reserves of it. That is $250 million just from trade (illegal, I believe). Coltan is big business, and it is a big reason why things are so wrong in the Congo. In one region, one in every 3 women has been raped. 58,000 people are killed every month - and this after a "democratic" election. This is utter insanity.
Her talk left me sitting there thinking, what am I complaining about? And, what can I do with my life? I believe strongly that I'm doing now what I need to do, and that it means something, but I want to have some broader view than just my own tiny world.
I wonder what I have been doing for the past 10 years, and how I can use the next 10 years to do more. And reflecting on the role of raising a strong Baha'i community - how community, guided by morality, is one of the most important ways of building up resilience against these conflicts and the collapse of society.
And I wondered, looking at who I am and my levels of energy and my cravings for security, what can I and what will I do? Really? It is 10 pm, and I am delighted by the thought of bed and a book. How these all fit together, I do not know.
And finally: I felt glad and a bit proud that my laptop is 5 years old, and I intend to use it as long as I can. And not to get a cell phone. I am still not sure about a digital camera. And yet, when my laptop finally gives out ... I will buy a new one, won't I?
Monday, January 28, 2008
Working on myself
In line with my attempts to change/ improve, and eliminate some of the negativity I've had lately, I think it would be worth my while to work through the following:
http://radicalchange.wordpress.com/2008/01/13/nlpanisabahai-inspired-technique-for-changing-looking-for-validation-from-others-and-then-getting-all-depressed-to-self-validating-and-being-energized/
I haven't read it thoroughly, but it does make me think of cognitive behavioral therapy - choosing your thoughts, choosing ones that more accurately reflect a reality that is never as negative as I can paint it.
http://radicalchange.wordpress.com/2008/01/13/nlpanisabahai-inspired-technique-for-changing-looking-for-validation-from-others-and-then-getting-all-depressed-to-self-validating-and-being-energized/
I haven't read it thoroughly, but it does make me think of cognitive behavioral therapy - choosing your thoughts, choosing ones that more accurately reflect a reality that is never as negative as I can paint it.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Flocked!
My parents called me into the dining room today: "Quick, Kamilla - there are ducks in the backyard!" Sure enough, a flock of Mallard ducks decided to make our back yard their temporary rest stop. About 15 came to start, perfectly positioned against the white snow with their beaks pointing right and left. Then they started waddling around, this duck tapestry. More came to join them, up to 40 at one point. They clucked and pecked, but mainly rested. My dad tried throwing some bread out to them. One speed-waddled over to check it out, but lost interest and just sat there.
Ducks. Flocking us.
Ducks. Flocking us.
Friday, January 25, 2008
On Teaching
[expanded title: on why, in spite of my stresses and frustrations with it, teaching is a very, very cool thing to do]
As I walked out of class the last few times, I realized that when I'm teaching I am fully focused. All my attention is on the students, on the material, on facilitating the learning process. I work the whole time I am in the classroom to get their attention, their caring about the topic, to assist them in gaining understanding of what we are learning. Interacting with the students before and after class is one of the best parts of the job - finding out who they are, finding ways of connecting with them, and helping them as best I can to fulfill the goals of the course and their own potential.
As I walk out that door, in addition to a huge sense of relief comes elation over a job done well, at least to the best of my abilities. And with that is a sense of perspective on other worries in my life: they're relatively irrelevant.
And that is the best thing I can say on teaching.
As I walked out of class the last few times, I realized that when I'm teaching I am fully focused. All my attention is on the students, on the material, on facilitating the learning process. I work the whole time I am in the classroom to get their attention, their caring about the topic, to assist them in gaining understanding of what we are learning. Interacting with the students before and after class is one of the best parts of the job - finding out who they are, finding ways of connecting with them, and helping them as best I can to fulfill the goals of the course and their own potential.
As I walk out that door, in addition to a huge sense of relief comes elation over a job done well, at least to the best of my abilities. And with that is a sense of perspective on other worries in my life: they're relatively irrelevant.
And that is the best thing I can say on teaching.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Gratitude
Last night I was saying one of my favourite prayers - the Tablet of Ahmad, revealed by Baha'u'llah to one of His followers (must find my history books and check out more details about it). I came across a line I know I've read thousands of times before, and it suddenly hit me in a new way:
"O Ahmad! Forget not My bounties while I am absent."
How often do I do this? Forget about all of God's blessings and ongoing assistance in my life in those times when I can't seem to see Him as clearly as I want? To negate the existence of those bounties because they are not what I think I deserve? In God's absence, I want to appreciate His bounties as clearly as when He is more visibly present. Because the truth is, He is always present.
And then on the human scale: why do I doubt the love of others when they are not immediately before me, meeting my needs in a visible way? That love - that bounty - is still there, whether they are near or far.
"O Ahmad! Forget not My bounties while I am absent."
How often do I do this? Forget about all of God's blessings and ongoing assistance in my life in those times when I can't seem to see Him as clearly as I want? To negate the existence of those bounties because they are not what I think I deserve? In God's absence, I want to appreciate His bounties as clearly as when He is more visibly present. Because the truth is, He is always present.
And then on the human scale: why do I doubt the love of others when they are not immediately before me, meeting my needs in a visible way? That love - that bounty - is still there, whether they are near or far.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Standing up, remix
I think I've become substantially more assertive over the years. I know myself pretty well; value myself; and tend to feel pretty comfortable over deciding what to say yes and no to. In some situations, though, standing up for myself can be shockingly challenging. When a situation makes me feel less or needy, then standing up for my rights - particularly around people I'm close to - is a real struggle. To say "you shouldn't treat me that way" - wow, that can be hard. Particularly to say it with love for both myself and the other.
I'm back in a similar situation of feeling run over by someone. I thought I'd dealt with this all before, but here it comes again. And yes, it feels as lousy as it did the last time. My sense of self has taken a beating. At the same time - I know it's back so I can do it again, and get it right - and feel good about myself throughout it. I can respect myself enough to let someone know how I will and will not be treated. I can do it with respect and love. And I can do it - have that awkward and strained talk - and still find a way to keep the relationship going. And I will stay and see it through.
Here goes.
I'm back in a similar situation of feeling run over by someone. I thought I'd dealt with this all before, but here it comes again. And yes, it feels as lousy as it did the last time. My sense of self has taken a beating. At the same time - I know it's back so I can do it again, and get it right - and feel good about myself throughout it. I can respect myself enough to let someone know how I will and will not be treated. I can do it with respect and love. And I can do it - have that awkward and strained talk - and still find a way to keep the relationship going. And I will stay and see it through.
Here goes.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Wandering into a new kingdom
I've discovered that my university is actually a mystical portal to the lands of Lord of the Rings. Inhabitants of the Shire and Rivendell wander around campus in the guise of students and staff. I've witnessed some of these other-worldly creatures, and recently made contact with one.
The Hobbit lives in the secluded IT rooms in the lower end of campus. Small and sturdy with a wide face and large hands and feet, he appears in various buildings across campus, sitting with focused attention in front of computer screens. He has a pleasant look on his face, and a determined but gentle energy in his walk. He favors khakis and subtle plaid shirts.
The Elf began appearing in the fall. Tiny and blond with finely etched features, he flits in out and around the Fine Arts building. His white-blond hair standing in chunks around his head, his intense eyes looking up from his down-cast face, a grin illuminating him when he sees a familiar face. Last night we made contact. He rock climbs and I saw him there last night. We smiled hello, then I went over to introduce myself. He says that his name on this side is Ben. His voice has a hint of an accent that comes and goes - Elvish perhaps? I watched him scale the holds in the cave - sheer beauty as he floated his way over and around the wall.
The Hobbit lives in the secluded IT rooms in the lower end of campus. Small and sturdy with a wide face and large hands and feet, he appears in various buildings across campus, sitting with focused attention in front of computer screens. He has a pleasant look on his face, and a determined but gentle energy in his walk. He favors khakis and subtle plaid shirts.
The Elf began appearing in the fall. Tiny and blond with finely etched features, he flits in out and around the Fine Arts building. His white-blond hair standing in chunks around his head, his intense eyes looking up from his down-cast face, a grin illuminating him when he sees a familiar face. Last night we made contact. He rock climbs and I saw him there last night. We smiled hello, then I went over to introduce myself. He says that his name on this side is Ben. His voice has a hint of an accent that comes and goes - Elvish perhaps? I watched him scale the holds in the cave - sheer beauty as he floated his way over and around the wall.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Most beautiful things
Driving home over Highway 1, the Coquihalla and connector: mountains, mountains, dense with evergreens, powdered with snow. Each tree and branch weighed down with pure white, the sun shining above it all.
What comes first?
In Walden, Thoreau offers the following sentiment: "I say beware of all enterprises that require new clothes, and not rather a new wearer of clothes." He probes our material desires, obsession with all things new and fashionable, and need to supplement new pursuits with all the material accoutrements that can become a pursuit in their own right, displacing the authenticity of engagement in things meaningful and pleasurable.
That being said: I have two new hobbies, and each required a new pair of shoes. I wonder: am I a new wearer of clothes? are these passions making me into that new person?
First was dancing. I've loved dancing since childhood and generally take any opportunity available to dance. In June I began salsa dancing. I quickly discovered that NO shoes in my existing collection would do the job. They were too high or too low, too bulky or not supportive enough, with soles too slippery or too sticky. I decided that my love of dance was worth investing in, and bought a pair of not-so-beautiful but fully functional dance shoes in Vancouver. The first time I danced in them, I knew it was a new era of dance for me. I could fly!
My shoes went missing recently. I attended a latin dance party, and left without taking my shoe bag. At first I thought they were gone forever. I tried dancing in other pairs, but they kept falling off, slowing me down, impeding that optimal dance experience. I soon tracked down the dance coordinator who had picked them up after the event. Almost 2 weeks later, we finally connected and I got my shoes back. And I was back to dancing again.
My friend Naomi took me rock climbing recently at an indoor gym here. As soon as I started, a feeling of joy came over me. The same as dance, since childhood I have loved climbing things, manipulating my body, doing anything acrobatic. Rock climbing was pure joy, complete focus, and completely me. So this weekend in Vancouver, I bought another pair of shoes, this time for rock climbing. I spent two of the best shopping hours ever trying on a variety shoes in stores on Broadway, trying them out on the indoor rock walls they provided. At first I felt quite self conscious. These were highly public places, with rows of customers right behind me checking out, browsing, being outdoorsy. But then I started climbing, and the same feeling of sheer exhilaration came over me. I was climbing. There was nothing else to think about.
I bought the shoes. And I've concluded that maybe these are new clothes; or maybe it's just a new me.
That being said: I have two new hobbies, and each required a new pair of shoes. I wonder: am I a new wearer of clothes? are these passions making me into that new person?
First was dancing. I've loved dancing since childhood and generally take any opportunity available to dance. In June I began salsa dancing. I quickly discovered that NO shoes in my existing collection would do the job. They were too high or too low, too bulky or not supportive enough, with soles too slippery or too sticky. I decided that my love of dance was worth investing in, and bought a pair of not-so-beautiful but fully functional dance shoes in Vancouver. The first time I danced in them, I knew it was a new era of dance for me. I could fly!
My shoes went missing recently. I attended a latin dance party, and left without taking my shoe bag. At first I thought they were gone forever. I tried dancing in other pairs, but they kept falling off, slowing me down, impeding that optimal dance experience. I soon tracked down the dance coordinator who had picked them up after the event. Almost 2 weeks later, we finally connected and I got my shoes back. And I was back to dancing again.
My friend Naomi took me rock climbing recently at an indoor gym here. As soon as I started, a feeling of joy came over me. The same as dance, since childhood I have loved climbing things, manipulating my body, doing anything acrobatic. Rock climbing was pure joy, complete focus, and completely me. So this weekend in Vancouver, I bought another pair of shoes, this time for rock climbing. I spent two of the best shopping hours ever trying on a variety shoes in stores on Broadway, trying them out on the indoor rock walls they provided. At first I felt quite self conscious. These were highly public places, with rows of customers right behind me checking out, browsing, being outdoorsy. But then I started climbing, and the same feeling of sheer exhilaration came over me. I was climbing. There was nothing else to think about.
I bought the shoes. And I've concluded that maybe these are new clothes; or maybe it's just a new me.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Avoiding meltdown
So I'm teaching a course at the university this semester. I was hired just a few days before classes started, which left me not much time to come up with a syllabus and prepare to teach classes. I've been keeping afloat, at least partly because I am spending all my time on this one small job, and also because I love the course content. But it is definitely pushing me to my limits.
Today I am trying to prepare for lecture for this week, and for next week; to get notes made up before I leave for the weekend; to find a couple additional readings for next week; and to post them on my course webspace and update that site. These activities have pushed me to the edge of violence. I am prepared to take a baseball bat to anything in my path. I cannot find the articles I want. The "connect from a distance" software I took the time to install is not allowing me to actually browse the databases, so I can't find articles. When I tried to upload at least my assignments to the course webpage, they would not load properly, and the page is now a mess. And all this leaves me with no time or mental ability to prepare for lecture.
In response, I turned off the computer, turned out the light, and just lay on the bed for a few minutes. I realized that while I was prepared to kill, I was not entirely happy with this response. Feeling this frustrated surely comes from somewhere, but it's just the automatic reaction I've been conditioned to experience. And it is not one that is fun to be around. If I choose, I can override biology and choose a calmer response.
A few minutes later, I got up and printed out a few things I'd been working on, and feeling much calmer, prepared to head to the university (after an acupuncture appointment) to try to find those articles. I may, however, need to go rock climbing tonight to get this out of my system.
Today I am trying to prepare for lecture for this week, and for next week; to get notes made up before I leave for the weekend; to find a couple additional readings for next week; and to post them on my course webspace and update that site. These activities have pushed me to the edge of violence. I am prepared to take a baseball bat to anything in my path. I cannot find the articles I want. The "connect from a distance" software I took the time to install is not allowing me to actually browse the databases, so I can't find articles. When I tried to upload at least my assignments to the course webpage, they would not load properly, and the page is now a mess. And all this leaves me with no time or mental ability to prepare for lecture.
In response, I turned off the computer, turned out the light, and just lay on the bed for a few minutes. I realized that while I was prepared to kill, I was not entirely happy with this response. Feeling this frustrated surely comes from somewhere, but it's just the automatic reaction I've been conditioned to experience. And it is not one that is fun to be around. If I choose, I can override biology and choose a calmer response.
A few minutes later, I got up and printed out a few things I'd been working on, and feeling much calmer, prepared to head to the university (after an acupuncture appointment) to try to find those articles. I may, however, need to go rock climbing tonight to get this out of my system.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Pain worth bearing
Yesterday I went bouldering with a friend at the rock-climbing gym in Kelowna. How amazing to find a sport that is so me. Hanging, swinging, clambering (I love that word), falling - I love it. And the people are friendly! A sport that encourages encouragement.
I woke up in the middle of the night with serious arm pain. My right elbow - the one that suffers from solitaire - apparently also objects to rock climbing. However, that is pain for a good cause. I'm going to keep it up, and figure out what I need to do to get my elbow to enjoy it.
I still find myself mentally and physically thinking "just one game" when my brain goes on the fritz while working at the computer. I'm sure it will take a while to reprogram myself to work rather than zone out.
I woke up in the middle of the night with serious arm pain. My right elbow - the one that suffers from solitaire - apparently also objects to rock climbing. However, that is pain for a good cause. I'm going to keep it up, and figure out what I need to do to get my elbow to enjoy it.
I still find myself mentally and physically thinking "just one game" when my brain goes on the fritz while working at the computer. I'm sure it will take a while to reprogram myself to work rather than zone out.
Monday, January 14, 2008
Finding Time
I've been experiencing time crunchage lately. Just hired to teach a new course, it's been pretty intense as I try to conceptualize the course (i.e., create a syllabus I can live with) and plan the first couple of weeks of lectures. And my desire to work on many other projects continues. So: how can I manage my time so as to attend to all my work, accomplish projects I'm personally invested in, and stay calm and happy?
Recognizing that it is one of the big questions, here's some of what I'm doing.
First, I'm working to take time to breathe, pray and be away from work. Deep breaths, reflection on the meaning of life, calling on Divine assistance, and gaining physical distance from work help me get perspective on it.
Another aspect of defining the boundaries of work involves putting time constraints on it. Work can bleed into my entire life, and I don't want that. I want it to be contained, so that I still have things that are not pure work. I found when I was in grad school, I never completely put my projects down, even if I wasn't actively working on them. It's time now to learn the difference between work time and life time. Or even, paid work time and voluntary fun projects time. I am working towards doing job-work from 9-5, and after that, putting down my computer.
A third aspect is organizing myself. I have my folders for different aspects of teaching set up pretty well now. I have my to-do list, my calendar, my supplies at hand. I am ready to tackle what needs tackling.
Which I am now about to do. More on this to follow ...
Recognizing that it is one of the big questions, here's some of what I'm doing.
First, I'm working to take time to breathe, pray and be away from work. Deep breaths, reflection on the meaning of life, calling on Divine assistance, and gaining physical distance from work help me get perspective on it.
Another aspect of defining the boundaries of work involves putting time constraints on it. Work can bleed into my entire life, and I don't want that. I want it to be contained, so that I still have things that are not pure work. I found when I was in grad school, I never completely put my projects down, even if I wasn't actively working on them. It's time now to learn the difference between work time and life time. Or even, paid work time and voluntary fun projects time. I am working towards doing job-work from 9-5, and after that, putting down my computer.
A third aspect is organizing myself. I have my folders for different aspects of teaching set up pretty well now. I have my to-do list, my calendar, my supplies at hand. I am ready to tackle what needs tackling.
Which I am now about to do. More on this to follow ...
Sunday, January 13, 2008
No turning back
I did it.
In the interests of productivity, and the well-being of my right elbow, I have deleted Spider Solitaire from my computer. I just emptied the recycling bin - the final step. That sucker of time, turn-to when my mind goes blank, crutch when I don't want to work, is now out of my life.
It's amazing to me how easily my mind would slide from "this is hard" to Solitaire. When working on things on the computer, as soon as my brain faced a challenge bigger than the tiniest of bumps, it would look for an escape route. Yes, I can say that playing solitaire did perhaps potentially provide some benefits - the type of repetitive activity that let my mind wander and figure things out on its own. But that same repetitiveness can come from more productive activities - doing the dishes, cleaning the bathroom - with even greater efficiency, as they involve getting away from the computer screen, and moving my whole body, not just the poor afore-mentioned elbow.
Now when I'm working, and my mind wants to run away from the work, its usual escape route is gone. I now have to pause, reflect, refocus, and get back to work. It is good.
In the interests of productivity, and the well-being of my right elbow, I have deleted Spider Solitaire from my computer. I just emptied the recycling bin - the final step. That sucker of time, turn-to when my mind goes blank, crutch when I don't want to work, is now out of my life.
It's amazing to me how easily my mind would slide from "this is hard" to Solitaire. When working on things on the computer, as soon as my brain faced a challenge bigger than the tiniest of bumps, it would look for an escape route. Yes, I can say that playing solitaire did perhaps potentially provide some benefits - the type of repetitive activity that let my mind wander and figure things out on its own. But that same repetitiveness can come from more productive activities - doing the dishes, cleaning the bathroom - with even greater efficiency, as they involve getting away from the computer screen, and moving my whole body, not just the poor afore-mentioned elbow.
Now when I'm working, and my mind wants to run away from the work, its usual escape route is gone. I now have to pause, reflect, refocus, and get back to work. It is good.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Cleaning Up
I've been continuing my attempts to eliminate personal care products that are toxic, carcinogenic or hormonal disruptors. In other words, to eliminate ingredients that shouldn't be in those products in the first place. While I believe in focusing on the positive (what do you want to do, not what do you not want to do), unfortunately, with these products it is definitely a case of making sure your products do NOT contain particular ingredients.
For moisturizers, I'm concerned about:
polyethylene glycol: this increases the thickness of products, but reduces moisture in the skin. Its precursor is ethylene glycol, a component antifreeze (!)
Propylene glycol: a major skin irritant, and used in some antifreeze solutions
Parabens: toxic, carcinogenic and disruptors of the reproductive system
Phenoxyethanol: risks of cancer and reproductive problems
Benzyl Salicylate: allergy risks
For face & body cleansers, I'm avoiding
Sodium Lauryl/Laureth Sulfate: toxic, a potential carcinogen, a skin irritant. This sudsing agent is used in almost every type of toothpaste.
Phthalates: incredibly scary things, with strong links to cancer and reproductive disruptions.
In general, I'm avoiding fragrances and colour, which are also highly toxic. I've been checking out ingredients on this website:
http://www.cosmeticdatabase.com/
which is incredibly user-friendly.
So, I've given up my Cetaphil, and after trying a product by Desert Essence which worked well but was slightly drying, I'm trying Burt's Bees Soap Bark & Chamomile Deep Cleansing Cream. I like it: cleansing but not drying, and leaves my face tingly. It also is not perfect. It has sodium borate, which has some risks, and a few other iffy ingredients. However, after searching around this is the best I can find for right now. Much more work remains to be done, I can see. I hope the consumer demand shifts to get these products out there and popular and purified to an even further degree, so that we will not be poisoned when we take care of our bodies.
For moisturizers, I'm concerned about:
polyethylene glycol: this increases the thickness of products, but reduces moisture in the skin. Its precursor is ethylene glycol, a component antifreeze (!)
Propylene glycol: a major skin irritant, and used in some antifreeze solutions
Parabens: toxic, carcinogenic and disruptors of the reproductive system
Phenoxyethanol: risks of cancer and reproductive problems
Benzyl Salicylate: allergy risks
For face & body cleansers, I'm avoiding
Sodium Lauryl/Laureth Sulfate: toxic, a potential carcinogen, a skin irritant. This sudsing agent is used in almost every type of toothpaste.
Phthalates: incredibly scary things, with strong links to cancer and reproductive disruptions.
In general, I'm avoiding fragrances and colour, which are also highly toxic. I've been checking out ingredients on this website:
http://www.cosmeticdatabase.com/
which is incredibly user-friendly.
So, I've given up my Cetaphil, and after trying a product by Desert Essence which worked well but was slightly drying, I'm trying Burt's Bees Soap Bark & Chamomile Deep Cleansing Cream. I like it: cleansing but not drying, and leaves my face tingly. It also is not perfect. It has sodium borate, which has some risks, and a few other iffy ingredients. However, after searching around this is the best I can find for right now. Much more work remains to be done, I can see. I hope the consumer demand shifts to get these products out there and popular and purified to an even further degree, so that we will not be poisoned when we take care of our bodies.
Friday, January 11, 2008
Life as a Novel
A Christian novel, that is. I've been reading a few lately, and wishing my life always worked like that. In a Christian novel, there are always people there who are your true friends, who will do outrageous things just because they love you. You always get the chance to work on your weakest qualities and make them into your strengths, even if you don't know how it happens that way. God always steps into your life in both little and big, dramatic ways: inheritance, missed flights, sudden encounters, amazing coincidences, dramatic changes of heart. And all you need to do to make things work out is trust and do your part.
Maybe, in fact, that is how my life works, I just haven't noticed yet.
Maybe, in fact, that is how my life works, I just haven't noticed yet.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Lessons from drumming
My afro-cuban drumming class resumed last night for our next 10-week session. This marks about one year of lessons for me. I am learning a lot, enjoying it, and actually developing a passable musical skills.
I am also learning truths about life through drumming in a group. One rhythm we're working on is bembe. It is a difficult rhythm, based on a combination of a 6-beat and 4-beat played simultaneously. Some parts play to the 4, some to the 6. I've been playing the high drum, which is on the 4, but its 2nd beat comes AFTER the main beat, not before. For those accustomed to western rhythms, this is quite challenging. In the last several classes, I've finally figured out how the rhythm works. When all the parts are going - clave, bell, low drum, middle drum - I can feel the rhythm and come in with the high drum in just the right place. The balance of all the parts going lets me know where I fit into the big picture. When everything else is going on at once, my part is easier to play and feels right.
I am also learning truths about life through drumming in a group. One rhythm we're working on is bembe. It is a difficult rhythm, based on a combination of a 6-beat and 4-beat played simultaneously. Some parts play to the 4, some to the 6. I've been playing the high drum, which is on the 4, but its 2nd beat comes AFTER the main beat, not before. For those accustomed to western rhythms, this is quite challenging. In the last several classes, I've finally figured out how the rhythm works. When all the parts are going - clave, bell, low drum, middle drum - I can feel the rhythm and come in with the high drum in just the right place. The balance of all the parts going lets me know where I fit into the big picture. When everything else is going on at once, my part is easier to play and feels right.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Why I read, study, work, write, etc., even if it doesn't earn me money
"All blessings are divine in origin but none can be compared with this power of intellectual investigation and research which is an eternal gift producing fruits of unending delight. Man is ever partaking of these fruits. All other blessings are temporary; this is an everlasting possession. Even sovereignty has its limitations and overthrow; this is a kingship and dominion which none may usurp or destroy. Briefly; it is an eternal blessing and divine bestowal, the supreme gift of God to man. Therefore you should put forward your most earnest efforts toward the acquisition of sciences and arts. The greater your attainment, the higher your standard in the divine purpose. The man of science is perceiving and endowed with vision whereas he who is ignorant and neglectful of this development is blind. The investigating mind is attentive, alive; the mind callous and indifferent is deaf and dead. A scientific man is a true index and representative of humanity, for through processes of inductive reasoning and research he is informed of all that appertains to humanity, its status, conditions and happenings. He studies the human body politic, understands social problems and weaves the web and texture of civilization. In fact, science may be likened to a mirror wherein the infinite forms and images of existing things are revealed and reflected. It is the very foundation of all individual and national development. Without this basis of investigation, development is impossible. Therefore seek with diligent endeavor the knowledge and attainment of all that lies within the power of this wonderful bestowal."
(Abdu'l-Baha, Foundations of World Unity, p. 60)
(Abdu'l-Baha, Foundations of World Unity, p. 60)
Sunday, January 6, 2008
The last dance
Sometimes you don't know that something will be your last until after it's over. At the Latin dance last night I ran into Alon, one of the Israeli guys I've got to know lately. He's one of the most amazing salsa dancers I've ever danced with. Pure joy - one of the most fun things in the world. He's brilliant, and leads so perfectly that you can follow everything he does - turn, dip, swing.
I wasn't feeling dancy last night; and I wasn't dressed up, hence he didn't ask me to dance (I take no offense. That's how it goes). At the end of the night, boots back on, I heard him say that he's moving to Vancouver in a few days. I'll never dance with him again. Wow.
I wasn't feeling dancy last night; and I wasn't dressed up, hence he didn't ask me to dance (I take no offense. That's how it goes). At the end of the night, boots back on, I heard him say that he's moving to Vancouver in a few days. I'll never dance with him again. Wow.
Saturday, January 5, 2008
Size shouldn't matter
On January 3, I finally found my day planner for this new year. After years of planning my life, I've narrowed down what I look for. Since it's something I use almost every day, several times a day, I want it to be one that I think is attractive and enjoy using. Since I tend to block my time chunkier than the little time schedules on the side, I prefer one that's as blank and open as possible. Since I bring it to meetings and work, I want it to look professional. And since I carry it with me everywhere I go, I like it to be small and portable. These last two points, however, can often wind me up in a bind. In the world of professionals and day planners, small is not really seen as better.
If I had an electronic planner - a Palm Pilot, a Blackberry - small might not be bad. Small would denote more expensive and elaborate and high tech and important. Thus, I would be more important. In the world of paper planners, however, size is relevant. Size shows the size of your life. A busy professional with many demands must require a bigger planner to write down all those many busy appointments. Even if a full 8.5 x 11" page has only a few items on it - you've got a whole page! A whole page of busyness and things to do. Writing something big takes a big flourish, a grand gesture. A big planner shows who you are. A small one ... what could you possibly fit in there? Wake up, eat, go to sleep.
I've found that my small (4x5 book) with one fold-out page per week is more than enough for work, meetings, Baha'i activities, errands, phone calls to be made, and addresses. More than enough! And because it's so small, it's with me all the time, so that I can update constantly and not double-book. It works perfectly for me. I guess I shouldn't be bitter about feeling judged - that's just the way it goes.
Besides, maybe their eyes are just getting old.
If I had an electronic planner - a Palm Pilot, a Blackberry - small might not be bad. Small would denote more expensive and elaborate and high tech and important. Thus, I would be more important. In the world of paper planners, however, size is relevant. Size shows the size of your life. A busy professional with many demands must require a bigger planner to write down all those many busy appointments. Even if a full 8.5 x 11" page has only a few items on it - you've got a whole page! A whole page of busyness and things to do. Writing something big takes a big flourish, a grand gesture. A big planner shows who you are. A small one ... what could you possibly fit in there? Wake up, eat, go to sleep.
I've found that my small (4x5 book) with one fold-out page per week is more than enough for work, meetings, Baha'i activities, errands, phone calls to be made, and addresses. More than enough! And because it's so small, it's with me all the time, so that I can update constantly and not double-book. It works perfectly for me. I guess I shouldn't be bitter about feeling judged - that's just the way it goes.
Besides, maybe their eyes are just getting old.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Writing
I think it's starting to work! I'm attempting to work on my writing every day - specifically on my stories from Russia. I've been doing this for about 5 days now, and it's starting to feel more comfortable. I've taken as my job simply to put the stories down. Making them interesting - that will come. And just giving it an hour a day, that's all I need to do. 9 - 10 a.m. I think this is something I could get addicted to.
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
When even dragons can't breathe
I've been going through everything I own, getting rid of whatever I can: whatever I don't use, don't like, won't need. I'm dreaming of freedom and flexibility and living lightly. But there are still some things I love.
I sorted all things decorative recently, and came across a piece of glass sculpture I was given in Mississippi. Made by a local glass artist, Rob (what was that last name?), it's a little dragon struggling to get a flame out. Layer upon layer of magical colours, it's a beautiful piece of magic. I look forward to hanging it somewhere soon.
I sorted all things decorative recently, and came across a piece of glass sculpture I was given in Mississippi. Made by a local glass artist, Rob (what was that last name?), it's a little dragon struggling to get a flame out. Layer upon layer of magical colours, it's a beautiful piece of magic. I look forward to hanging it somewhere soon.
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
Not enough fingers.
Last night, I had fun. I often do nothing for New Year's, which is fine, because it's just an arbitrary calendar date, but having fun is generally a positive thing. I want to have as much fun as I can. So I'm glad to note that last night, I had fun.
I went to a dance party sponsored by a couple of dance teachers in town. DJ'd music, friends, and lots and lots (and lots) of dancing. Last night, I danced a two-step, nightclub two-step, salsa, cha-cha, rumba, west coast swing, waltz, jive ... I think that covers it. I can't believe that 6 months ago, I didn't really dance much. Now I feel pretty comfortable following leads for all these dances. And people are friendly! They just ask each other to dance, and then dance, and have fun with it. Wow, it's a novelty. I plan to do more of this.
And the people are lovely. I used to be a bit wary of communities formed based on interests like dance - it seemed a bit superficial to me to be the basis of a social group. Now, I feel the opposite. Dance people are generally, enthusiastic, participatory and inclusive. They are generally oriented towards teaching and helping, and listening to each other. I've met lovely people through dance, and they keep on welcoming new people. Why NOT dance as a community builder?
I went to a dance party sponsored by a couple of dance teachers in town. DJ'd music, friends, and lots and lots (and lots) of dancing. Last night, I danced a two-step, nightclub two-step, salsa, cha-cha, rumba, west coast swing, waltz, jive ... I think that covers it. I can't believe that 6 months ago, I didn't really dance much. Now I feel pretty comfortable following leads for all these dances. And people are friendly! They just ask each other to dance, and then dance, and have fun with it. Wow, it's a novelty. I plan to do more of this.
And the people are lovely. I used to be a bit wary of communities formed based on interests like dance - it seemed a bit superficial to me to be the basis of a social group. Now, I feel the opposite. Dance people are generally, enthusiastic, participatory and inclusive. They are generally oriented towards teaching and helping, and listening to each other. I've met lovely people through dance, and they keep on welcoming new people. Why NOT dance as a community builder?
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