Run, emu, run!

I was on my way home the other day when I noticed some strange motion in the field by our house. Motion for sure ... running ... RUNNING EMUS!!! Racing around the perimeter of the field! One leading the other; one chasing the other; I couldn't tell. The rest of the field was filled with the usual menagerie, relaxed and enjoying the sun. But the emus, they were sprinting. They did not slow down! Their long necks stretched slightly forward, skinny legs racing, huge puffy bodies bouncing around in the middle. Where were they headed? What prompted this spring fling?

Good bad habits

Does anyone else know the pleasures of singing badly? I have an okay voice when I want to sing, but it doesn't bring me as much joy as a horrible song sung horribly.

For example: I enjoy serenading the family dog with songs in her honor. After she begged to be put on my bed, I sang the following in a key designed to grab attention: "you belong there, you belong there ... that is the place ... you belong!!!!"
Sometimes, for fun, I'll start a song in a normal voice and then morph into a higher, breathier or more penetrating key. Melodies are generally made to be modified. I prefer to improvise, jumping notes, keys, octaves, just to keep it interesting. The same goes for lyrics, which are inspired by those things around me: the dishes, the sun, the dog again, begging to be let out.
It's even better when people around me join in, "harmonizing" or scatting or adding their own unique touches.

I encourage all of you to take an opportunity this week to sing badly! It will be time well spent.

God is in the ambiguity

You know when things in life start falling into place? You meet the right person, get the right job leads, make the right contacts at school, discover a new hobby. And suddenly the path seems clear. You feel the guidance coming at you from all directions, and it's very easy to trust that you are loved, cared for, protected and guided.

Then, inevitably, some complication arises. Perhaps the person isn't quite what you thought, or you realize you're not who you thought you were. Maybe the job seemed great, but you realize it's not the direction you want to move in. Or you just start feeling busy, overwhelmed, pulled in too many directions, and generally uncertain of what to do next. Suddenly, what felt so clear isn't. There is no glowing pathway guiding you into the future. You are left in the morass of ambiguity, and can't feel God's presence. You doubt, in fact, that it's there - you feel left on your own to work through it all, and cross your fingers that you make decent choices.

I think that in that ambiguity is where God really is. Giving you the opportunity to figure out what your heart is saying. Giving you the chance to trust both your inner reality and the omnipresence of divine guidance. Trusting is harder when it doesn't seem clear. But then, as you trust and get in tune with what's inside, the path will open up.

You know it's spring ...

when all the animals return to the Noah's Ark field down the road. Sheep, goats, llamas and many more, grazing and roaming and hanging out happily together in the sun.

Yay!

Youthful fantasy fulfilled

When I was a teenager, one of my biggest dreams was to be a lead singer in a band.

Yes, it's classic - what alternative teenager doesn't dream about this? Your own cool alt group, playing cool alt music, you at the mic, belting out tunes. The years went by, and though I played various musical instruments, and sang in choirs, the whole band thing just wasn't happening.

Well, that wish from years ago has come true. My new afro-cuban drumming group performed at the Baha'i New Year celebration last night. I drummed for one number, and played clave/ sang lead & co-lead vocals for two songs. And it was a blast! The group is full of completely amazing and beautiful souls, the drums rang out, the vocals were belted, and joy was had by the performers and the audience. I feel so fortunate, and blessed, and full of life to realize that this dream, which was nothing more than a silly fantasy for years, is now a reality.

Happy new year to all!

A few of my favorite things

For the last day of the fast - a final reminder of all the beauty around me.

Group of 7 paintings, sketches.
Central Prague: Charles' Bridge, a castle on a hill, cobblestone streets, crystals and glass for sale, the utter beauty of that city.
Inuit paintings, prints and sculptures. Incredible.
Old wood furniture.
Roses. I love them.
Wild roses.
Licorice. Black, natural, chewy, yummy.
Mango lassi.
Chanel No. 5 perfume.
The Baha'i House of Worship in Evanston, IL. Peace and beauty.
Fall in Chicago; the perfect americana of the houses in Skokie.
Glendalough, site of ancient magic.
Tretyakov gallery in Moscow and the painter of light.
Kiji - silvered wooden domes on old wooden churches.
"Wanna be startin' somethin'"
"A room of one's own"
John Donne
e.e. cummings
Ezra Pound
Shakespeare's sonnets
A light spring breeze
The Kootenays
And on and on and on ...

Insights on the final day of the fast

I can't believe how it's flown by this year (the annual period for the Baha'is of fasting and spiritual rejuvenation before the new year). It's been an emotionally tumultuous time for me, but also a time of insights and growth. I'm grateful for it, as I am every year.

Reading something from the Baha'i Writings this morning, a line jumped out at me in a way it hadn't before:
"Yet to be poor in all save God is a wondrous gift, belittle not the value thereof, for in the end it will make thee rich in God ..." (Baha'u'llah, Hidden Words #51, Arabic)

The idea that poverty, beyond simply being a state that God can help you through, is a blessing, is amazing to me. And it reminds me that the true value of our lives is spiritual. How else can we be free, and free to serve, except by being fully reliant on the ultimate source of everything, including our very being and all our abilities? Moreover, not belittling the value of the tests we go through is a profound shift in consciousness. I mean, how could you not be upset over the loss of a job, the disappointment of one's hopes, a halted career path? How amazing would that be, to embrace the struggles we face as a chance for growth, and to be grateful for them? This is the state towards which I'm striving - it will be a lifetime endeavor, but one I hope to engage in.

The sound of love

I just stumbled upon one of the most beautiful voices I've ever heard. For a project I'm working on, I clicked on an NPR interview with Yaacov & Sue Deyo - he's the rabbi who founded SpeedDating, she is his wife who now runs the program. His voice - mid pitched, warm, soothing, gentle and alive - is utterly intoxicating. It reminded me how important sound is to me: sensitivity to tone, volume, pitch and so many other features.

Here's to beautiful voices.

Today, I am celebrating ...

Sunshine.
People who are committed to personal transformation.
Unexpected smiles.
Beeswax candles.
Getting Work Done.
Brothers, mothers, fathers, sisters, grandmas and friends.
Japanese block prints.
Turquoise.
Complete reliance and detachment.
"Arrested Development" - still brilliant.
The natural evolution of friendships.
Heart-felt forgiveness.
Dancing with friends.
Journal time: writing, listing, drawing, collaging, figuring myself out.
Stepping outside my comfort zone.
Learning to listen. Slow down and listen.
The goodwill of others.

The big joker

Here comes some more revisionist history.

Maybe you remember the bag I wrote about a while ago - the perfect shoulder/ activity bag in canvas that I'd gotten rid of in a fit of spring cleaning. How I missed it, and continued to miss it and want it (and fantasize about finding it again in some second hand shop around town). I had accepted its loss, but it kept creeping into my consciousness with annoying persistence. It's a bag! That's all!

Anyhow, this morning my mom is on a spring cleaning run and pulls out all the clothes we've been accumulating in our discard pile. She asks me to look through the bag one more time, and I don't want to bother, but finally decide to check just to make sure. A few items in - there's my bag!! Good as new, just as perfect as I remember.

It's amazing to me how the universe can fulfill even the silliest and smallest of our needs, in such exquisite detail. What's the lesson in this one? Acknowledge your intuition; value the desires of your heart; and don't worry about what happens, because if something is really for you, you will get it in the end.

Regurgitation

The sock monster must have heard my lament. In the wash I found the missing partner for the mauve argyle, and the full black argyle set. My legs are warm and happy, as is my heart.

Damn you, James Collins

Sunday morning. Not much sleep at all. A bit more than 4 hours. Was out of town for 3 days, so I have work to do. Class preparations. And drumming practice later - all told, that will take about 3 hours. And a concert I MUST attend tonight, absolutely must.

With all these activities, one would hope that I would eat breakfast and jump into my work.

Damn you, James Collins. Why did you have to write such a wonderful novel? I started reading Beginner's Greek on Saturday. I read the prologue and thought, this is one of the most wonderful pieces of writing I have ever read. The omniscient I is benevolent, insightful, dry but loving, and ironic in the gentlest and smilingest of ways. Though it is a cliche, and though the review of the book I read acknowledged its cliche-ness, I felt that Austen was reincarnated in his writing, with the added pleasure of deep insight into the male psyche as well as the female. I stayed up until 2 reading, and finished it off after breakfast. I could not stop.

So, thank you James Collins.

Shut-down

I drove up to the university yesterday to teach, and was surprised to see large numbers of people standing around outside. Then I heard the fire alarm ringing in the science building - must be another fire drill. Then I learned that the power had gone out - again. The second time in a month. The science building is always evacuated when the power goes out for biosafety reasons: fume hoods stop working, toxic chemicals can make their way into the air, and who knows about various biological organisms.

It was a sunny day, so I sat around outside with everyone else. Ran into a friend and talked for a while; ran into students and chatted, handed back assignments, and speculated on the cause of the outage.

I realized how dependent we are on centralized power systems, and energy supplies in general. Would it be possible to design buildings that could be used even with no power? To decentralize power provision so fewer people are affected when the grid goes out?

I also thought about our social response to an outage. Students still wanted to go to class - they were concerned about their learning and getting their work done. Everyone followed the rules, played nicely together outside, didn't protest. How fortunate I am to live in a country where people respond peacefully to disruptions. Of course - greater and greater instability over a longer period of time might begin to drive changes in responses. All the more reason to focus on building strong social bonds to help people pull together when what we're used to disappears.

Sock monster

Someone is eating my socks.

Not all of them. Just my treasured winter knee-high socks. Tights are too warm; pants alone are too cold. So all winter (and some of fall and spring) I wear long, warm socks up to my knees. I had many pairs of argyle cotton socks, purchased at Old Navy a couple of years ago. The black pair was eaten a few weeks ago. Now, half of the mauve pair has disappeared. Other pairs are being taken out more subtly. A set of wool striped socks was viciously shrunk down and had to be discarded. Another lost its elastic and met a similar fate.

I wonder what is happening here. Perhaps a sign from above that it is time to move to a warmer climate. Maybe simply a seasonal shift. Or it could be the fashion police, come to find me at last.

Smiling and laughing over ...

The Be-Good Tanyas.
"Arrested Development". Brillance.
Pico, looking for the ball under the couch.
Cadbury sitting on Therapy's head.
Baby everythings, rampant in the spring.
David Sedaris, for sure.
Home-made pina coladas.
Anything with chopsticks.
The butt bump (are you out there, Kiki?).
French pastries.
"Only the Strong" - that's for the tip, G-man!
Bill Bryson - specifically Australian & the Appalachian trail.
"Singing in the Rain."
Singing in the rain.

Things to celebrate

"Let it fall."
A difficult situation from which you emerge stronger and wiser.
A perfect fall leaf on your path.
Charcoal and thick blank art paper.
The perfect joke at the perfect time.
Break-throughs.
New ways of seeing the world.
A snow day ... or week.
Love, in all its forms.
Spring.

More amazing things

Fiddle music.
Community events in old barns & halls lit with candles, driven by live music.
Bhangra.
"Closer to Fine"
Communicating in another language.
Joking in another language.
Cozy sweaters with long-enough sleeves.
Unsolicited positive feedback from students.
The moon.
Puppies.
Beeswax candles.
Hand-made gifts.
Rice Crispie squares.
Pumpkin loaf.
Big chewy molasses gingersnap cookies with sugar on top.
A comic strip that so perfectly describes your life, you have to cut it out and keep it.

Another perfectly described moment

Even though I love to go out dancing, this is so me:
http://www.xkcd.com/238/

Also: this is my 100th post! Wow ... that's quite exciting.

More things that make me happy

An unexpected connection with an unexpected person.
A restaurant, a good meal, a book and time.
Apparently, the polka.
All natural hand cream and lip balm.
7 layer dip.
Finishing a project.
"32 Flavours"
"Basement Apartment"
Clean sheets, clean laundry, clean house.
Fast prayers.
Useful and beautiful fabric handicrafts.
Home-made popcorn, made on the stove, with sea salt, butter, a movie and friends.
Mexican food, absolutely.

I love grandma

Today I went to visit my grandma and drop some things off at her place. We sat around and talked for quite a while about a wonderful combination of the good old days, frugality, and crafts. She was telling me more stories about how hard everyone used to work - she worked from when she was 15, 7 am to 7 pm, 7 days a week, with 2 weeks off a year. Crazy! Growing up, they literally walked 3 miles each way to school. 6 miles a day. When she was about 8, her mom taught her and her older sister how to knit. They used to use nails as knitting needles (her dad cut the ends off) and practiced knitting long strips until they knew how to make other things. She started off making scarves, but eventually moved on to knitting sweaters and other things from patterns.

Growing up, there were 12 kids in the family. They slept 3 to a bed, on straw mattresses. They re-used everything. Sugar came in big cloth sacks that her mom bleached and sewed into sheets. Old clothes were made into quilts, or pulled to pieces to make rag rugs. One of her relatives used to buy big old skirts at the Salvation Army and make them into aprons. She crocheted lace that she put around the bottom and the pockets. She sold these aprons for 50 cents a piece. Nothing got wasted.

It's interesting to think about what we can learn from how people lived, just in the last century. Though I love a good mattress, I'm still inspired by the low-waste lifestyles that were the norm so recently.

More things that bring me joy

Ana banana and Bella, forever (and Ash too, if I had the pleasure of knowing him).
A meal of Punjab food. Yum, yum, yum!
New friends.
Old friends.
The tiny fragrant purple violets that grow on the streets here.
Singing in harmony and hitting just the right notes.
My home-made heating pad. Magical!
Jane Austen.
Canoing down a river on a warm day with friends.
Pancakes and maple syrup on Sunday morning.
Sunday afternoon, no work and a new novel.
Being warmed by the sun.

Things that make me smile no matter what

Quail.
Quail running.
Baby quail with their little head-sticking-up-things.
Pico, flopped out sideways with her legs crossed.
Wee Ashton - insanely cute and sweet.
Fresh squeezed carrot juice.
Email or a skype call from friends in Russia.
"Golden hour" light at the end of the day.
Snow-covered pine-covered hills.
Certain shades of green.
Holding a bunny.
Bunnies in general.
Dancing.
Unexpectedly running into a friend.